Download It #3: Classic R.E.M.

April 8, 2008

L.A. Palm Trees

Unless he’s moved, there’s a guy in L.A. who thinks he once met Peter Buck. But he didn’t.

I started pondering this the other day because R.E.M., the legendary band for whom Peter Buck plays guitar, has a new album out that’s supposed to be a return to their former glory. I’m willing to guess, though, that they’ve just recorded the guitars louder than they normally do.

I haven’t heard it yet, so, frankly, I don’t know. But every time a band of dwindling returns puts out an album that doesn’t stink as bad as its last five albums, hyperventilating music journalists write about the band's big comeback. Then you buy the damned thing, and the only difference is the guitars are louder.

Anyway, I was out in Los Angeles in 1995, working on a dead-in-the-water screenplay for 20th Century Fox (that’s another article, or a series of them), when I decided to stroll around West Hollywood’s utterly breathtaking Century City Mall. After taking note of a Steven Spielberg-owned theme restaurant that looked like a submarine - which, ironically enough, sank shortly after opening - I decided to peruse a record store for some tapes to play in my nifty rental car.

Now, at that time, I had long hair that hung all the way down my neck. And I was wearing an R.E.M. t-shirt advertising their latest so-so mega-hit album, “Monster.” It was a purple, long-sleeved shirt with this picture on it.

R.E.M. Monster

So I was poking through the tapes, minding my own business, when a high school kid who worked behind the counter approached me, and said, “Pete! How ya doin?!”

I was taken aback, of course, because I’m not Pete. Then he asked, “How’s Bill doing?” and I understood. Several weeks earlier, R.E.M.’s drummer, Bill Berry, suffered a brain aneurysm during a show in Switzerland, and this guy thought I was Peter Buck! Here’s Peter Buck, by the way:

Peter Buck (shrunk).jpg

So - and, to this day, I don’t know exactly why I did it - I said, “Bill’s gonna be okay. We have to get a different drummer for the rest of the tour, though.”

That was all true. They really were going to do that. I knew, because “Rolling Stone” used to feature “articles” containing “information,” and I read one of them.

The entire thing was on the up-and-up, actually, except for the part where I was supposed to be the guitar player for a world famous rock band. But I guess I figured I’d make the poor kid's month. I mean, anybody who thinks Peter Buck is going to parade through a mall in Los Angeles wearing an R.E.M. t-shirt has already started gullible’s travels. Why not give him a kick-ass story to unveil around the community bong that evening?

I bought the first Wilco tape, thanked my fan, and exited the store. And, later that day, I banged a groupie at the Ramada Inn on Sunset.

                                                ***

If you’ve got the new R.E.M. album and you dig it, good for you. If, however, you have it, but don’t own their sublime-rising-to-majestic debut album, “Murmur,” you’re an idiot. “Murmur” is as jolting as any record released by any band in the 1980s, and Buck and his buddies weren’t even sure what they were doing when they recorded it.

"Talk About the Passion"

"Perfect Circle"

Confounding, spooky, dreamlike, and deeply moving for reasons that are impossible to put your finger on, it’s one of my desert island discs...although it seems unlikely that I’ll ever find myself stuck on a desert island with my 10 favorite albums and sand-free equipment to play them on. If nothing else, that would be one hell of an extension cord.

Download: "Pilgrimage" and/or "Talk About the Passion" and/or "Perfect Circle" and/or "Catapult" by R.E.M. Album: "Murmur" (1983).

Paul Tatara

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